I suppose all new mothers go through the same thing??? Maybe?? I would like to know. Carrying a baby in your uterus for 9 months is so different than visiting the hospital and coming home with a baby the same day. During the 9 months wait, mothers are planning for their new ones arrival-- registering for items for their showers, reading baby books, picking out names, cleaning house and preparing a nursery. I have heard of mothers who begin nesting as they call it -- becoming super moms and cleaning the house from top to bottom.
Well, I think I am nesting now. Of course, I "nest" anytime I am anxious about something. That is when I actually have the cleanest house!!! I have been organizing and reorganizing our house ever since we met our birthmother. I have organized myself into a corner and now the house seems messier than when I started because things are constantly in a pile somewhere waiting to be put away in a "newly organized" space. I am not sure if I am actually making any progress at all. It has also led to discontentment at our "small" house with little storage space (our house is great, but is lacking in storage space), but I have to remember we are rich compared to some others.
Our pastor made a statement one time in a sermon about arguing. You really have to stop and think about why you are arguing in the first place -- you are usually taking out on someone else what you wish would happen in your life to benefit you. For example: I get pretty irritable if I don't have enough sleep so I might get onto Gary about the mail still piled on the kitchen table. It tends to bother me even though I am really just bothered by lack of sleep. I guess I think subconsciously that if he would just put up the mail, I would have more rest time. Ha!
I have taken that statement to help in every area of my life if I am upset about clutter and the house not being clean recently. But, that is not what I am really anxious about. I guess every new mother goes through this time in her life (I would like some comments on this, please). The real root of my "nesting" so to speak is not that a baby is coming home at all. I am SUPER EXCITED to finally be a MOM with an actual baby instead of a WAITING MOM. But, I am anxious about not being able to be a successful mom. I, unlike some mothers, have not had the 9 months to read baby books. I haven't read any!! I am feeling such a weight of responsibility on my shoulders. I am also feeling like if the house is not cleaned now, I won't have the time to do it later. : ) Everything needs to be in its place for the arrival of our little one and the nursery just has to be PERFECT, doesn't it???
Although this anxiety is causing me to clean, it is also helping me to not think about the negatives of our situation. Will this actually happen after all our waiting and praying? Will our BIRTH MOTHER go through with it? It is difficult to be so far away from her. To know that she is in Illinois and we are here in Georgia. We are not able to communicate with her everyday and we are not up to date on everything in her life. We also have to trust her social worker will relay everything to us.
Day by day, God tests our FAITH. Day after day, I have to remind myself to take time out of my "nesting" to remember who is really in control of this situation. HE is, of course, and has always been. He will take care of the situation and everything will fall into place.
Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace, whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in YOU."
This verse says it all, we have to still our minds, think positive thoughts when the negative ones come in and have faith that God has everything in His control. It is very difficult to remember this at times. Also, my being busy and having a "perfectly" organized home does sometimes makes me even more anxious and it takes time away from what I really should be doing which is focusing on Him and resting so I will be in good physical condition when our little one does come home.
This blog has been my therapy for the day. Please continue to pray for Gary and I and our dear Birth Mother. Pray for our peace and her comfort. Pray she has peace continually about her decision to allow us to raise her baby. Also pray for her health and her family as they also allow us to raise their grandbaby.
