Monday, April 9, 2012

In the Beginning...

All stories have to start some where. As you can read from About us, we meet in school and fall in love about a year later. As a guy, all you can think of is to do your best and try to take care of her as you promise her dad, when you ask him for permission to marry his daughter. I did just that, I worked my tail off and try to give her the best life I can possibly provide her. We traveled to many different places in the few years we are together: Hong Kong, Canada, China, Jamaica and different states within the US. We are truly bless. As time goes on, it is only natural for us want to expand our family. Little did we know there would be a hurdle that have in store for us...

At the first several years, we did not think about it too much. With the 5% odd, we are thinking it will be better luck next time. As months passed by, we start to think what happen? Is there something wrong with us? People around us are getting pregnant left and right. It was not an easy task to help Anna thru all the "Great News". We did manage, and better luck next time...right?

In 2010, we decided that we needed help, it is not working on our own. At first, we have to go thru all the testing, it was not fun but we both knew it will be worth it in the end. Test after test, they all come back normal. (That was the only good news!!!) Dr. suggest we should start with IUI, which is the cheapest and the simplest procedure for people having problem with fertility. With our data, he don't have reason to believe it won't work. Two round of IUI later, we both heart broken and feel hopeless.  At the point, Dr. think we should take a more aggressive approach -- IVF. At the same time, I started to think Anna's school have something to do with it. She had been a teacher for 10 years. The stress from school is not helping and even with our income cut in half I think it is necessary for her to stop teaching. She knew people who got pregnant after they quit teaching within the year. Many couples also have great successful stories from IVF. If we decide to spend that much money on the treatment, I want to have the highest chance for it to work. So, we set the target day for August, and decided this is her last year of teaching.

As August rolls around, emotion are high. With everything are normal on both of us, surely this will work. There are many shots and pills she have to take to just have to get her body ready for the procedure. To me, it wasn't easy that I have to give her the shot every night. It is not so much to poke her with a needle that bothers me, it is the pain and suffer that she is going thru that really bothers me. As always, I keep telling her and myself that the outcome will well be worth it. The egg retrieval surgery went smoothly. They got 13 eggs. Not as much as the Dr wanted, but she did say it is good enough. Then it come the first part of the waiting game. After the embryos are created, we have to wait for 5 days for it to grow. On the day of implantation, we only have 2 embryo available. Really?? 2 out of 13? That's only about 15%, once again, the Dr. said don't worry because one of the embryo is A+ rating. It is almost a guarantee that it will work. If you open a book on embryo ours will be it. We were excited. Finally, something is going our way. They even strongly suggested against to place two embryo instead of one since the first one is A+ rating. So we decided to just one. As soon as they place the embryo, they told Anna: Congratulations, you are now two weeks pregnant!!! You have no idea how happy I was, after all the years of trying. That's one of the sentences you want to hear the most. Now come the second part of the waiting game, two weeks to ensure the body is taking in the embryo. Nightly shot is required to ensure there is enough hormones for the embryo since her body does not know she is pregnant.

Two weeks gone by like a year. I took care of her every step of the way as she is pregnant. I can't not help myself but looking forward to the coming nine months.. decorate the baby room...etc. You know. All the things you want to do as a first time parents. I can remember that day she goes for her two week check up like it was yesterday. I was out to lunch with a group of guys. I ensure Anna don't have to worry about it too much, A+ embryo and we did the shot the same time every night. It can only be good news. Nothing to worry. Dr. will just give us a yes and we will move forward in our life. I was nervous but hopeful. My phone ring as I just placed my order for lunch. As soon as I answered the phone, all I can hear on the other side is crying. My heart sank. Anna don't have to tell me anything and I can already guess what happen. I don't think there is a word in the English dictionary can describe how I feel at that moment.  The worst part is that I don't know what to say to make her feel better. Heck! I don't even have word to me feel better much less try to help her. I just wanted to go home to be with her. But I rode with someone else to lunch. I have to stay regardless. It was a steak lunch. I am sure it tasted great, but I can't really taste anything after the news I got. I got home as soon as I can. For the next several weeks. Our life was dark. We lost hope, the only thing that keep us going is each other. We went back to the Dr. to get some idea as of what happen since we did have a A+ embryo. He told us: "I don't know! ". Really? After 15K and all the emotion up and down. All you can tell us is "You don't know!" Whatever, in the grand scheme of things. I guess it really don't matter what you said. I was done with western medicine at that point. I am ready to turn back to my root -- eastern medicine.

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